And she said to me, "That's the thing. You're not screaming anymore... Now, you do it quietly"
I realized last night that it’s always gonna feel like work.. she says I just have to deal with life always being exhausting. How can I ever balance all the tasks that it takes to take care of myself with the tasks it takes to succeed in life? Could my teeth rot while I get straight As? Where does the sacrifice end? It’s all exhausting and they all call me selfish for lashing out, that I only consider my own exhaust. Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t have the capacity to think of anything else except how time speeds by, and I feel old and hopeless at 22 but life also feels begrudgingly slow. I can’t skip to the good parts, where are they? Is life only ever going to be this empty misery with flashes of golden light, moments where I can temporarily disregard my own demise at the hands of time? I’m trying, but I have to try at everything I do. It’s not just working hard, it’s never catching a break. Brushing my teeth is work. The only reason I’ve showered this last year is because of mg OCD.
hard pill to swallow:
we are all capable of becoming toxic. sometimes we are the toxic person in a relationship. we get too caught up with the influx of emotions and the overwhelming pressure without knowing that slowly, we are becoming toxic, too.
